A Hopeful Wanderer

Dear friends,

I've had one hell of a year. As I sit on my bed on my first day of holidays, with my laptop on my legs, I can't help but to feel like I've changed a lot.

I started this blog, a year ago, in an attempt to document the adventure that was entering college. It was a way to find myself (no pun intended) through writing and sharing details of my life with anyone who was willing to read them.

Even though I ended up not writing as much as I initially intended to, it was a really enriching experience and it helped me figure some things out. For example: I love to write. I love to read other people's blogs and build this invisible connection with them. I grew an immense love for photography.

I love STORIES. I am a story-listener and a story-teller. I build connections based on stories. I may not let people know how much I care about their stories (introvert problems), but I do. I love to write my own stories, and photograph the stories I witness.

There's another thing. I feel like I'm changing seasons. This year was an immense autumn - a season of transition, which just so happens to be my favourite. I lost and found friends, I created new interests, I grew into a completely different person than I was last year. It hurts a lot sometimes that I don't recognize my life anymore. There are days when I wish I could go back and pick my "old" life from where this new one started. There are tears, and heartbreak, and yelling and punching stuff.

Today, I'm glad I changed, because now I feel like I can be myself, no matter what.

After a lot of thought, I decided to re-start my blogging adventure. I have more of a vision now - I want to tell stories, hoping that somewhere, someone will relate to them and let them fill them up with hope. I want to be a hopeful wanderer who finds beauty in the dusty corners of people and the world.

So, if you wish to continue to follow the stories of this 19-year-old mess, you can find me at a-hopeful-wanderer.blogspot.com!

Lots of love,
Mariana

where am I?

It's been literally AGES since the last time I wrote a post in here. My last one was after my finals, if I remember correctly. Almost a whole semester has gone by ever since. 

I won't have any classes this week because of my city's universitary celebrations, Queima das Fitas (I will talk about that later on!), so it will be a good opportunity to unwind and organize myself before I start hardcore-studying for my finals in June.

It's also a good time to review my first year as a university student - which has flown by - and I am absolutely positive that I'm a whole different person than I was only nine months ago, when I started this blog. 

Finding Mariana seemed a fitting title when I started, because I was only a scared girl who thought she was going to have to become all grown-up and mature in a matter of days. 

I remember my first days at college: I was trying to act all opinionated and adult, in a most ridiculous fashion now that I think of it. I felt really uncomfortable at first, as I'm not a natural extrovert even though I talk a lot! It was really scary, especially because I could see that my high school friends were forming new groups at their schools, and I felt quite alone.

However, the ways of life brought me close to some of the BEST people I could have asked for! I found out that most people in there are really nice. Not only nice, there are no words. People were genuine, friendly, helpful, never denied me some company. I found many friends with similar tastes such as Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones! It was really different from high school, because there were no "cliques", no "trying to fit in", no "trying to impress". Having lunch with my classmates, studying with "random" people in the library, being in the body of students of my year, chatting during boring classes, lab days, studying Anatomy in despair, Thursday night dinners, even some crazy parties... all those things have brought my love of people to a whole new level. 

High school seems like another life right now. Even more because so many of my closest friends have stepped away from me. It hurts me a lot to see that happen, but... I guess that's life. We're all growing up in different directions and we can't all tangle our lives together. 

I am so. incredibly. thankful, however, for those of my friends who have stayed. It's been an incredible blessing to see our friendships grow despite the physical distance and our different paths. I feel really happy that there are people who care about me, and it's fascinating to see them grow up and build their lives as I am building mine. I am incredibly and extremely proud of my best friends for the people they are becoming.

Through all these changes, my boyfriend has been my biggest support and my anchor. He is always there for me even when I'm grumpy and moody and sad and stressed. We've come so far in the year-and-a-month we have been together, and I couldn't love him more. It's also a blessing to see him grow up with me and I surely hope we can continue to evolve together.

I have grown up so much, and I barely noticed it. It's kinda spooky. I run my errands all by myself now. I manage my own money. I have a way better image now of what I want to do with my life. I want to be around people as much as possible; I want to help improve their health by changing lifestyles. I want to travel the world, and to offer myself to help others, and to research the cure for cancer, and to do surgery on brains and make people happy again.  I want to get married, have a pretty apartment and a dog, I want to be a mother. I want to follow the path God is driving me into. I want to live a life that I'll be proud of when I'm old.

So, this is where I am. Have I found myself? Not completely. But I'm getting there.

Here are some pictures that describe my year:

I discovered the power of sushi...

...as well as Game of Thrones! 

I spent a whole day in a lab which was a lot of fun!

I love my uni sweater!

Piano - my #1 creative outlet!

I fell even more in love with my city this year!

In this day, two of my new and lovely friends and I shared a vegetarian meal, went by the seaside and rented some bikes!

My boyfriend and I celebrated our First Anniversary on April 4th!

This is a very very happy and hopeful me! I might not be this bubbly all the time, I can be REALLY stressed and moody.
But I'm on my way to happiness!

Back on Track

After SURVIVING my first college exam season, here I am, back on my dusty corner of the Internet!

I'm very happy to announce that I passed all my exams! Even though I lived pretty much isolated from the world for a little over a month, thankfully, it was worth it!

Here are some of the things that have happened while I've been gone:

- Christmas: my FAVOURITE day of the year, and this year was no exception! I got to hang out with my dear family: we sang, ate, talked, drank tea... and my older cousins, my sister and I dressed up as Santa and his reindeer when the time came to give the presents. It was so much fun!

my seat at the Christmas table!

- New Year's Eve was kind of a rough night: it was REALLY cold, and because the transports were a mess, I couldn't arrive downtown in time to give my boyfriend our first new years kiss. It made me really sad that nothing went as planned, but unexpected things happen and we have to bear with them!

- In January we threw a surprise party for my best friend. Her face when she arrived to the restaurant and saw us there with lots of balloons was EPIC!

- I started to take driving lessons and I found out I LOVE to drive. Seriously. I've loved cars ever since I was a kid and I'm very happy to get to drive one!

- After weeks of study I had my exams week: it was nerve-wrecking, but everything turned out just fine!

- Now I'm on holidays and it's a season of rest. Most people are still taking their exams, so I spend most of my time alone watching movies, TV shows (Gilmore Girls being my favourite) and reading books (I'm reading Alan Turing's biography right now).

- However, last week I had a great day! My college buddies and I had lunch at a vegetarian restaurant (which I had never tried) and then rode bikes by the sea. It was amazing and we saw the sunset like I pictured it in the first picture ;)

How have these past few weeks been going for you?

love,

Mariana