where am I?

It's been literally AGES since the last time I wrote a post in here. My last one was after my finals, if I remember correctly. Almost a whole semester has gone by ever since. 

I won't have any classes this week because of my city's universitary celebrations, Queima das Fitas (I will talk about that later on!), so it will be a good opportunity to unwind and organize myself before I start hardcore-studying for my finals in June.

It's also a good time to review my first year as a university student - which has flown by - and I am absolutely positive that I'm a whole different person than I was only nine months ago, when I started this blog. 

Finding Mariana seemed a fitting title when I started, because I was only a scared girl who thought she was going to have to become all grown-up and mature in a matter of days. 

I remember my first days at college: I was trying to act all opinionated and adult, in a most ridiculous fashion now that I think of it. I felt really uncomfortable at first, as I'm not a natural extrovert even though I talk a lot! It was really scary, especially because I could see that my high school friends were forming new groups at their schools, and I felt quite alone.

However, the ways of life brought me close to some of the BEST people I could have asked for! I found out that most people in there are really nice. Not only nice, there are no words. People were genuine, friendly, helpful, never denied me some company. I found many friends with similar tastes such as Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones! It was really different from high school, because there were no "cliques", no "trying to fit in", no "trying to impress". Having lunch with my classmates, studying with "random" people in the library, being in the body of students of my year, chatting during boring classes, lab days, studying Anatomy in despair, Thursday night dinners, even some crazy parties... all those things have brought my love of people to a whole new level. 

High school seems like another life right now. Even more because so many of my closest friends have stepped away from me. It hurts me a lot to see that happen, but... I guess that's life. We're all growing up in different directions and we can't all tangle our lives together. 

I am so. incredibly. thankful, however, for those of my friends who have stayed. It's been an incredible blessing to see our friendships grow despite the physical distance and our different paths. I feel really happy that there are people who care about me, and it's fascinating to see them grow up and build their lives as I am building mine. I am incredibly and extremely proud of my best friends for the people they are becoming.

Through all these changes, my boyfriend has been my biggest support and my anchor. He is always there for me even when I'm grumpy and moody and sad and stressed. We've come so far in the year-and-a-month we have been together, and I couldn't love him more. It's also a blessing to see him grow up with me and I surely hope we can continue to evolve together.

I have grown up so much, and I barely noticed it. It's kinda spooky. I run my errands all by myself now. I manage my own money. I have a way better image now of what I want to do with my life. I want to be around people as much as possible; I want to help improve their health by changing lifestyles. I want to travel the world, and to offer myself to help others, and to research the cure for cancer, and to do surgery on brains and make people happy again.  I want to get married, have a pretty apartment and a dog, I want to be a mother. I want to follow the path God is driving me into. I want to live a life that I'll be proud of when I'm old.

So, this is where I am. Have I found myself? Not completely. But I'm getting there.

Here are some pictures that describe my year:

I discovered the power of sushi...

...as well as Game of Thrones! 

I spent a whole day in a lab which was a lot of fun!

I love my uni sweater!

Piano - my #1 creative outlet!

I fell even more in love with my city this year!

In this day, two of my new and lovely friends and I shared a vegetarian meal, went by the seaside and rented some bikes!

My boyfriend and I celebrated our First Anniversary on April 4th!

This is a very very happy and hopeful me! I might not be this bubbly all the time, I can be REALLY stressed and moody.
But I'm on my way to happiness!

Community

The prompt for the first Peony Project link-up is Community. It's kind of a 'free' linkup, there aren't many rules, so I will basically start by defining what community means to me.

Community happens when people come together and unite their efforts towards something. It allows us to experience new perspectives, to learn new lessons, and most importantly, to create relationships which will make us feel less lost in this big world.

Friendship, for example, is a form of community - and, now, I will share the story of how finding a group of friends I could relate to changed my life.

I've mentioned that my early teenage years were a difficult time. I spent a lot of that time inside a funk and without considering getting out, but my two best friends kept throwing me a ladder and offering me their help to pull myself together. 

Things changed for the better when I started high school. You know the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower? (It's my favourite of all time, by the way). I was a wallflower myself, but a very lucky one, because, like Charlie, I found the most amazing group of friends ever. 

Even though I already knew some of those people (including my best friends), I finally understood that I was not the only one who was hurting. I started having REAL conversations with them, about the good and the bad, and feeling like somebody thought like me helped me a lot. Despite all the fights and tears, I felt like I belonged somewhere. 

I learned so incredibly much about myself and about the good and the bad there is in people.

I learned to hug and be hugged, to have the courage to express my problems, and to do my best to help out my friends in the hard task that is growing up. 

I am so incredibly grateful for that experience of community.

Now that I'm in college, it's way harder to stay in touch with these incredible people. But it's necessary to me; so I try my best to call and have meals with them whenever I can!

I'm also meeting a lot of new people at school, and I'm starting to form a really nice group of friends. We usually meet at lunchtime and have amazing conversations. Hopefully we'll also be able to form a  lovely community together :)

In the online world, I am also a part of a community! 

"The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another."

I was barely a blogger when I joined The Peony Project. I'm still a baby blogger, but these ladies have been helping me a lot with making my blog a space to express my thoughts and beliefs! But The Peony Project goes way beyond just blogging: those amazing women pray for each other, share their worries and concerns, and I feel close to their hearts even though I live so far away from them.

If you relate to the sentence above, please click the link and join; I'm sure you won't regret it!

What does community mean to you?

love,

Mariana

About Depression

This is the kind of post I'm never sure if I'm supposed to put in my blog. 

But aren't those the most important posts?

I've never talked about this to many people. It makes me quite uncomfortable to be honest, and I always fear that people are going to think I'm an attention seeker.

But. maybe, that's the main reason why I ought to talk about it, as openly as I can, in my blog. So that people who are struggling know that they're not alone - even though they may feel as if they're stuck in a dark and deep pit; so that they know that it's okay to ask for help to climb out of it.

Day Five: Passionate

"I am passionate about (people)."

Today's Blog-tember post prompt asks me to tell you about my passion, and that, dear readers, is people.

from Tumblr

I am fascinated by people. I love how complex and unpredictable people are. 

I know there's so much evil in this world, and it breaks my heart to hear about corruption, murder and wars. I hate to hear that innocent people die everyday because of other people's thirst for money and power. It's disgusting that these two things are so many times put above real values: life, respect, love.

However, when I'm walking on the streets and I see an elderly couple holding hands, or a little boy picking up a flower to give to his mother, I see love. I see that human hearts can hold such beautiful, powerful feelings, and that those feelings should prevail instead of greed, hate and anger.

At the same time, I can't help but to marvel at the wonders of the human brain. How can such a small organ come up with science, music, stories, laws? I find that thought wonderful, even though we so often misuse our skills.

I know that a lot of us are hurting. There are so many circumstances that cause us pain and hopelessness. But no matter how dark things get, there's always a spark, and we've got to pursue it so that things can get better again. To me that spark comes from God's love, and I feel like one of my missions in life is to help people find that spark when all hope seems lost.

I'm currently feeling really tired, so I'm sorry if this post isn't as articulate as it should be!

How about you? What fascinates you in life?

love,

Mariana

Day Three: When I Grow Up

'"When I grow up I want to be...." Feel free to answer as your 5-year-old self or as of now.'

I was a dreamy 5-year-old. My dream back then was to train dolphins at the aquarium, because I loved (and still love) being around water and dolphins are cute (I know, those were really 'elaborate' arguments!). I also wanted to be an elementary school teacher because I loved bossing the other kids around and helping them with homework!

Now, at the age of eighteen, I can say a lot more about what I want to be. As I have said numerous times on this blog, I want to be a doctor. I feel called to help people, to be a healer. But there's more to it. I want to be a mom and to have a family. I want to give my contribute to society. I want to make the world a better place. I want to go on mission trips and volunteer to work as a doctor wherever I'm most needed. I want to stay involved with music in any ways I can, and to write at least one book. I want to cook and have a pet turtle.

I will fight to do it all, and I won't let nobody on earth stop me.
I will find strength in God to make a better person of myself.

One more post for the Blog-tember Challenge!

love,

Mariana

Day Two: What Makes Me Happy?

'Write about what makes you happy, from the little joys to the huge game-changers.'

One day last year, I was having it pretty rough, so I decided to write a list of things that make me happy, to cheer myself up. And guess what? It worked! So, I'm going to share it here, with some new additions that I have found over the course of my senior year:

Fall. Rain when I'm at home, looking from the window. Tea, cookies, hot chocolate, coffee, scones and cakes. Baking scones and biscuits during winter and making crepes with ice cream in the summer. Everything related to Christmas. My sister. Wearing costumes. Talking about the little things in life. Milkshakes. Feeling understood. Having projects. Music. Playing piano, guitar and singing. Belonging to the choir. Dance lessons. Dreaming of having a family. Unexpected afternoons. Deep moments at parties. Good books. Romantic comedies. Classic movies. Musicals. Feeling like everything is settled, for a bit. Stepping on dry leaves. Walking to school in the morning. Writing. Making lists. Reading poetry. Knowing that people think of me. Sunday night dinners. Watching soccer with my family. Watching gymnastics. Feeling in control of my body. Storytelling and hearing stories. Family lunches. Going to church. Feeling connected to nature. Meeting with friends you haven't seen in a while. Being in love. Being loved in return. Running into his arms after we've been apart for so long. 

What makes you happy?

love,

Mariana

September Goals and Expectations

The month of August has flown by, and September is knocking on the door, bringing fall, college and new responsibilities my way...

but I have to embrace them and evolve, because that's just how life goes. New challenges come to defy us; friends come and go. It scares me and excites me, I go from feeling fascinated with the idea of going to college and building my own life, to sinking in the deepest funk, feeling lost and worthless.

However, I know where I want to go. I shall renew my strength and carry on, working towards my dream, God's plan for me.

So I decided to write down some goals and expectations for September:

1. To organize myself
2. To stay positive
3. To finish driver's theory
4. To be able to manage my timetable
5. To have fun with my friends until college starts, and after that, to stay in touch
6. To be consistent with the Blog-tember Challenge, a link-up hosted by Bailey Jean from Brave Love. Hopefully it will allow me to put a little bit more of myself in this blog!

Well, let's see how this goes!

What are your goals and expectations for this month?

love,

Mariana

On Coming Back

After almost three amazing weeks that I spent traveling, it's time for me to come back home and pick up my everyday life from where I'd left it!

beach in Fonte dei Marmi, Italy

It's kind of hard to leave the exciting and unpredictable traveling life and to return to the same old routine, especially when most of my friends and my boyfriend are gone on holidays. I must admit it makes me pretty anxious to make plans right now - I don't know if that's good or bad.

However, it's an amazing time for me to organize myself, a month away from starting college! That involves some shopping, working more in this blog, renewing my wardrobe (!!!) and restoring my old bike, and probably kind of a makeover... because everything is changing and so am I.

Change makes me feel extremely anxious and excited at the same time. I know I'm one step closer to my dream of becoming a doctor and saving people's lives; but, on the other hand, it means I'm about to step out of my safe bubble, my comfort zone where I kept myself throughout high school. It means that I'm going to start working harder than I ever had, being the only one responsible for myself.

I've been reading many, many blog posts and searching Pinterest for tips on surviving my first year of college, and if any of you can give me any help, please feel free to do so :)

In the next few days I will post pictures and stories of the many places I've been to!

love,

Mariana

Stuff I'm Thankful For #3

After the first week of my 3-week holiday, I can say there's just so many things I'm thankful for!

Cerveira was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I got to that little house in the middle of the mountains I just felt like God had brought me to that place for a reason! I was in awe with the greatness of nature and the beauty of that place.

Tomorrow I leave in my roadtrip to Italy, and I'm super excited about it!

So, this week I'm thankful for:

- my amazing boyfriend who I will miss so much while we're both on holidays. I am so lucky to have him in my life!

- as I have mentioned before, getting to spend a week in such a beautiful, peaceful village. I will post more stories and pictures when I'm officially back!

- my loving family

- my sister, aka my best friend in the world. I'm so thankful for getting to spend so much time with her! I will introduce her to this blog soon...

- the beach and the pool, because I feel like water is my natural element!

love,

Mariana

Stuff I'm Thankful For #2

Time for me to talk about this week's best moments!

not my drawing, found it on tumblr

This week, I'm thankful for:

- once again, the beach! I love living so close to the sea, and, to me, there's no better feeling than getting in the cold water and feeling like a part of nature...

- amazing theatre plays

- happy reunions after you've missed someone so much!

- having the chance to travel for three weeks with my family - there will be a blog post about that soon!

- my creativity and love for art, which has helped me make some birthday presents this week!

- good books - in this case, the Lord of the Rings trilogy which I will review once I'm done with it...

What are you thankful for?

love,

Mariana

Stuff I'm Thankful For #1

I've found that, no matter how good or bad things seem to be, there is always something to be thankful for.

(consider yourself hugged and a good day for you)

That is why I'm introducing my weekly "Stuff I'm Thankful For" section, in which I will share the moments and things I've been blessed with each week, hoping that these happy things will also bring some kind of joy to my lovely readers!

This week was a great one! Even though some of my friends were away, and the weather wasn't always great, I did a lot of fun and even important stuff.

About Time

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."